Its not in me.

Spot is gone. I found out a few weeks ago when I came home. Mother said "Spot has been missing for a couple weeks now." She always has a way of doing these things. Especially with me. She didnt even bother telling me about it until weeks after he was gone. Then the next week when I came home mother was out and I said to Eddie- "sucks about Spot." To which he replied, "yeah man.. I'm sorry I ran over him."

Whats that? "Yeah I hit him with my Jeep.. your mom didnt tell you?" "-no." "well I only ran over his foot.. and he was fine but then he ran away." So apparently you can maneuver a jeep in such a way as to only run over the foot of a cat. Strange- and I only thought so until my sister said to me just yesterday "I think they hit Spot and they just aren't telling you about it. How do you run over a cat's foot." I think it would be a horrible thing for my mom to watch me call for my cat outside thinking he had run off into the woods and knowing that Eddie had run over him.

My very first one hundred dollar bill. I saved it. Ive kept it in a box in my room since I was 14. It's no longer there. William sleeps in my room during the week. "I dont think he would take it" say mother and Eddie. Mother also informed me that Eddie's step-son Richard was over one day and he let him sleep in my room. My mother has a tendency not to tell me about things that involve.... me.

My cat is gone. $100 is missing from my posession. I'm not focused on much recently. I just want everything to go away.

Today while mother and Eddie were watching Forest Gump- at the end when Forest puts his son on the bus, my mom started talking about when my father put me on the bus for the first time. How he cried and then went to my school to see me and cried. "He cried when Bruce came out and never stopped crying." I went to sit outside under the willow where phoenix is. On the drive home I realized that I am indeed, quite alone. I'm glad my attachments are so few.